Attack of the Scarf Murdering Frogs

I hate frogs. Okay that's a lie...I like frogs, but I hate evil, scarf murdering frogs.

Like this one


See? It's an evil frog! Attacking her...umm...scarfal...region? Or something.

Okay okay, so it's really just a kind of ugly color for that pattern and that particular scarf (IMHO). Why didn't the damn frogs attack it instead of mine? Mine's more cooler. Meanies!!! I don't know what these guys have against pretty scarves, but they're starting to piss me off, I must say!

As you may have guessed, I ended up frogging my scarf. Again. That's frog numero 3. *sigh*

I'm considering just making a garter stitch scarf for my sister, since I'm actually okay at that and since this pattern - while adorable - doesn't seem to be working out so great.

Or maybe I'll try that ribbing pattern again. That'd be pretty, don't you think? Seriously, I'm asking...what should I do? Any input would be appreciated.
See????



Is it just me, or does that appear to read "Fhank You"?

Narci-rosis

I am such a doofus. Why am I such a doofus, you ask? Well, I don't know WHY, I just know I am. If you'd like to know why I THINK I'm a doofus, then continue reading, for that is why I decided to write this. Well, that and the fact that I haven't written a blog in a little while and I'm currently bored out of my mind. Okay now for the doofiusness...

A couple of nights ago, I was lying in bed, asleep. At some point in the wee hours of the morning (I think it was actually around 6, but I'm not sure and besides...6 IS the wee hours of the morning, damnit!) I awoke and needed to go to the bathroom. I happened to have been sleeping on my left side, which leaves me facing the (closed) door of my bedroom closet. Since I was facing my closet, I happened to notice that the light inside had been left on. Hmmm, strange...

So of course, the first thought that enters my mind is that a serial killer/rapist has somehow gained entry to my humble abode and is lying in wait for me to get up and go to the bathroom. Obviously. Cause that's what serial killers/rapists do.

Also obvious is the fact that I didn't think this through, huh? Let's look at the faulty logic here:

1. Evidently, this serial murderer/rapist decided that it would be no fun to attack me whilst I slept and that it was necessary to wait until such a time as I awakened and moved about for his sinister attack.

2. I’m an idiot.

3. This particular murderer/rapist is either afraid of the dark, or he wanted to alert me to his presence. Why else would he feel the desperate need to leave the closet light on?

4. I'm an idiot.

5. It is clearly doubtless that this serial killer would target me above all others. I mean come on? Who could resist killing/raping me? Yes, once again my narcissistic neurosis (a.k.a. Narci-rosis) is hard at work!

So, after a few minutes of fretting, I finally decided Fuck it and opened the closet door..........HOLY SHIT!!!!!



Nothing. Well, nothing other than clothes, shoes, my water heater, etc. Big surprise there right? Who in their right mind would ever think that I had simply left the light on by accident? I mean really...who? Cause they're a friggin' idiot. The murderer scenario is WAY more interesting. Duh!

So, la de da...all is well in the land of the dumbasses. Just hunky dory in fact. Until………………

Last night. I go to bed and fall asleep quickly, only to be awakened at 6 for my (apparently scheduled) potty break. It is at this point that I notice that yet again the light in my closet is on. Coincidence? I think not! Surely some serial killer has gotten wind of my retarded late night thought patterns and is now taking advantage of said patterns.

*Note that the murderer is now psychic and probably has other astounding powers*

So, of course, as usual, he is waiting for me to get up and go to the bathroom to initiate his attack. Obviously. Cause that's what serial killers do.

What to do, what to do…I considered arming myself, but once again the problems with that are miraculously multi-fold. First of all, I’m a wimp and even if I DID take my disturbingly sharp awl with me, I lack the strength to harm my attacker. Second, I was just too lazy to go get it anyway. Third, certainly my movement would alert him to the fact that I was awake (because this specific murderer/rapist doesn’t sleep – Hello??? Super powers - and the turning on of my bedside lamp was no indication at all that I’d awakened) And last but not least I couldn’t decide if I should place the awl into the handle (I have an interchangeable set with 5 screwdriver heads, an awl, and a handle into which they can all be placed) or to just take the attachment. Decisions, decisions.

Of course it occurred to me that it was possible I’d simply left the light on again, but that certainly wasn’t probable. More likely was the lurking of a killer in my closet. Don’t ask me how he got in, I don’t know. They have ways, damnit! Anyway, I finally decided to again, just suck it up and check the fucking closet. And once again…



NOTHING!!! Who’d have thunk it? Certainly not I!

So, what in the world would make me think that there is most definitely a serial killer/rapist in my closet? I guess it could be a few things. Most likely it has something to do with my decision to watch "SAW". By myself. At like, 2 a.m. Yeah that might have something to do with it. As you can surmise that was one of my better ideas. But seriously that was what? 6 months ago? A year? I still find it creepy though. I always think of that flashback when they show you how the bad guy obtained the photographer dude. Hmm, wonder where I got this crazy serial killer-in-my-closet notion. I can’t imagine.

In other news: Justin Timberlake sucks evil froggie ass. Perhaps when Fiborg has assimilated the rest of the world, we knitters can unite to fight the threat that is JT. Perhaps we will be able to make all evil froggies spontaneously combust, therefore offing the self righteous, snot-nosed brat. Cause I'm pretty sure that the combustion of the evil frog whose ass he was sucking would cause a casualty. Don't you think?

Oh well, in any case, I am off to go knit. I will try to ward off the evil demon froggies from Hell (and with them, JT) . Wish me luck!